The Ultimate Handbook to Snake Rearing
by Couatl
Summary: - for the Unconventional Wolf. In which Kuga Natsuki goes through an epic and tedious journey to search for the perfect mate, occasionally refering to a handy guide written by world-acclaimed author, Natsuki Kruger. Yay.


Weary of the Ravens who lure you into humiliating pranks, put in slapdash work while expecting the lion's share of rewards, revel in your mortification, spread grossly-distorted facts about your endeavors, attempt to crack jokes about nesting in your head on those bad hair days, and so inconspicuously discharge their doings into your eye every now and then?

Have you ever wished for a different partner; tried to break away from the usual partnership, and, later on, mating, of the Ravens to Wolves? Perhaps the vast variety of clans beyond Wolf and Raven, and potential romance between yourself and one such privileged member of another clan? Maybe the countless opportunities of a much better relationship tempt you?

Kruger Natsuki, world-acclaimed author of _749 Ways to Be Rid of Your Girlfriend's Stalkers_ and _Who Stole My Mayo? A Classic Guide to Dealing with Theft (Weaponry Not Included)_, shares her vault of remarkable knowledge in the caring and taming of Snakes in her new bestseller.

**The Ultimate Handbook to Snake-Rearing for the Unconventional Wolf**

INTROUDCTION: A short note

- - -

Kuga Natsuki had no idea why she had been in the library, let alone why she was borrowing a book. Vaguely, she supposed that it might have had something to do with being hounded by Ms. Maria to get her locked up in a musty room for "a proper education". Slipping into the library, that dreadful book-infested dungeon, had been the first thing that came to mind – it was the last place Ms. Maria would think of searching in.

Yukariko, the librarian, had given her an incredulous look once she had came in. Natsuki was not a common occurrence in the library, considering her hatred for anything remotely resembling literature – a factor of her education that she never understood, like history. What was the point of learning about the past when you were living in the present? Wasn't there a saying about burying the hatchet?

She ducked into the mazes of shelves, escaping Yukariko's questioning stare that seemed to bore into the back of her head even as she dived for cover. Applauding herself for a job well done in avoiding Ms. Maria, she glanced around halfheartedly. There wasn't anything interesting to do in libraries; she'd much rather go down to the track, but the stable crew would quickly report her presence.

Well, anything vaguely amusing related to these books were their titles and authors. She had landed herself in the guidebooks and information section, with everything, from how to bleach a blanket properly to how to dispose of diapers in an eco-friendly way.

_Cleaning Out Rat Invasions, by Opendo Heinurki_, Natsuki chuckled softly, but felt her blood run cold as a hand was placed firmly on her shoulder.

"Natsuki-sama," Yukariko started. "I know that you're the Alpha's daughter, but you have to either borrow or read a book, or I'll inform Miss Maria that you've been slacking off again."

"Hai." Natsuki replied smoothly, eyes swiftly scanning the bookcase for something relatively interesting. "I was just browsing through your lovely selection of books."

"I'm glad you feel that way." The librarian beamed brightly, thinking that the wonder of the written words must have been getting through Natsuki's thick skull, finally. "They are indeed very lovely."

Natsuki's eyes drifted to a halt at a single book, its pages bound together by a thick leather cover. The actual content itself was about an inch thick, which didn't seem like a very hard read compared to those textbooks she had to study for her classes. She would prefer pretending to read a book to being scolded by Ms. Maria, after all.

_By Kruger Natsuki? _She smiled inwardly, surprised by the similarity to her own name.

She pressed two fingers on the rim of the book, drawing it out from its stiff position on the shelf. Flipping it over to its cover page, she wiped the surface clean with her sleeve. Her eyebrows rising in amusement at the name of this particular text, she turned to Yukariko, whose eyes widened at the sight of her selection.

"I want this one." Natsuki said plainly, dusting the back of the book. "I'll borrow it."

The robe-clad librarian led her to the counter, bringing the book to over her registry. The strange mechanism creaked as she tapped some of its keys, humming slowly. Natsuki tapped her fingers impatiently on the table, wanting to get out of the area before Ms. Maria caught her – the elderly woman believed in the philosophy of dragging her away by the ear first and asking questions later.

"That's strange. It's not showing on the registry." Yukariko muttered, returning the book to Natsuki. "It must have been missed out amongst the shipments. Books that the accountants wouldn't want anyone reading tend to be chucked aside."

"Well?" The emerald-eyed girl asked, brow furrowing. "Can I still have it?"

"_Borrow_, Natsuki-sama." Yukariko corrected sharply, eyeing the young girl disapprovingly. "You can't _have_ it."

"Fine." Natsuki sighed, slumping over the counter. "Can I still _borrow_ it?"

"I suppose so." The older woman sniffed, fiddling with her registry. "It doesn't look like it'll do any harm."

The old set of gears and metal, having served the library for centuries, choked out a wheezing cough. Natsuki pumped her fist in the air, feeling remarkably victorious for having won temporary ownership rights to the book she clutched in her hands. Moments ago, she would have frowned at herself for doing so, but this was the key to relieving her of Ms. Maria's longwinded lectures – her savior.

Tucking the book under her arm, she strode towards the library doors. Made from heavy oak retrieved from the Deep Forests, and reinforced with genuine iron, it took quite some effort to push open. Nevertheless, the cobalt-haired girl shoved it aside with her palm easily; someone who experienced Ms. Maria's rough handling so often had to be tougher than most.

"Kuga-san, what are you up to now?" An all too familiar voice reprimanded. "I didn't expect you to take a sudden interest in the 'Torture Chamber', as you call it."

"Good morning, Ms. Maria." Natsuki greeted cheerfully, lest her caretaker decided to give her yet another lesson on manners. "I was borrowing a book."

"Oh, really?" Ms. Maria shot her a doubtful scowl. "I would like to see this book, then."

"Here," Natsuki grinned smugly as she waved it in the older woman's face. "I've decided to brush up on my Literature."

"Hmm." Her caretaker glowered, not fully convinced. "Let me ta –"

"I borrowed it, so I have the right to read it first." The younger of the two hastily cut in, backing away. "You can have a look after I've finished reading it."

With that said, she dashed up the stairs at a pace even her sour caretaker could not keep up with, and scrambled into her room. Immediately bolting the door behind her, she flung herself on the bed with a sigh of relief. Flopping on her side, Natsuki picked up the book from its uncomfortable posture on the sheets. She pushed herself up, leaning against the bulky pillow and flipping her held item open.

"'The Ultimate Handbook to Snake-Rearing for the Unconventional Wolf.'" Natsuki mouthed silently, flicking another page over to see the acknowledgements. "'Dedicated to _my_ Shizuru Viola, who has stuck with me through thick and thin (once I had successfully wooed her over to my side, of course).'"

"There's a small note at the bottom." Natsuki squinted, carefully reading the text aloud. "'See that, you rabid, crazy, irritating fangirls? Shizuru is _mine_, and _only_ mine. Stay away from her!'"

"This ought to be interesting." She smiled, turning the page over.

_Look, I'm trying not to sound like some commercial. I don't have much patience for salesmen either, after all. This book is written for Wolves, and therefore most of this nifty guide is mostly applicable to only us. The rest of you Clanspeople, go find some person from your Clan who bothers to write you one!_

_Okay, so Ravens are pretty awesome overall. Most of you should have Raven friends, so you would know. You usually work well in a team, as partners – or you might not, if your temperaments clash. Either way, they're certainly more preferable as allies. Their aim with stones is ridiculously accurate, and you might find yourself battered by a couple of pebbles thrown by some particularly hostile Raven._

_A long, long time ago, the Wolf Alpha and the Raven King made a pact. The details were boring and stupid, so I shall relieve you of having to hear them. The important thing is – now all Wolves are expected to take a Raven as a mate, especially those of royal blood line, to strengthen some political bond between the two Clans. I never bothered about politics, so I'll leave it at that._

_But the fact remains that Wolves are expected, and only expected, to couple with a Raven. It's basically some unwritten law amongst our culture, or something strange like that. As a matter of fact, a small amount of Wolves other than me have also taken other Clanspeople as mates, not of Raven decent. It's looked down upon, of course, but it is possible, which means you don't have to run like an outlaw if you don't love a Raven._

_Every Clan is different, and Snakes have their own special qualities as well. They're fast, agile, and strong – which makes them all the more alike to Wolves, and therefore great hunting partners. Shizuru and I once managed to take down an entire herd of elk (much to the Elks' displeasure), making a mini-fortune out of selling all their skins, hooves, and antlers. We kept the meat._

_Okay, I'm starting to ramble. My introduction shall end here._

Natsuki was jerked away from her reading by a loud, rapid series of knocks on the door. She closed the book, and threw it under her pillow – if anyone saw evidence of her actually reading the book, her flawless repute for hating studying would no longer be perfect. She didn't need any gossip in the Academy corridors about how she had gone soft, not after the last time she was caught cuddling a puppy-styled soft toy.

Throwing open the door to reveal an anxious Tokiha Mai, she gave her a look that meant that she had five seconds to calm down and start talking before Natsuki slammed the door shut. Mai was a Vagrant who was currently living in their pack – she served as the Head Cook, and first met Natsuki when she accidentally tipped a whole bottle of mayonnaise into the emerald-eyed girl's food; Natsuki had demanded to see the chef, and they eventually became firm friends.

"Natsuki, the Alpha wants to talk to you." Mai informed her awkwardly. "It's not a topic you'd like."

"Urrrrgh." Natsuki groaned, pressing her hands to her forehead agitatedly.

"She also said that she'll get Ms. Maria to give you extra tuition if I don't get you to her room in five minutes." Mai added, hesitantly. "There was also something about assigning someone to guard you constantly so you don't run away from the lessons you already have."

"How much time do I have left?" Natsuki asked, stepping out of her room and locking the door.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I had a nap on the way here." Mai deadpanned, shrugging apologetically. "You're running late by half an hour."

"Mai!" Natsuki roared, resisting the urge to strangle the girl before her. "You – you …!"

"I'm joking." Mai grinned, patting Natsuki's shoulder reassuringly. "You have two minutes left – that should be enough to get there."

"Baka." Natsuki grumbled, walking towards her mother's room. "What's so important that she must have a chat with me right now, anyway?"

"I don't have a clue." The Vagrant cook replied. "By the tone of her voice, I could tell it's not something you'd appreciate much."

They proceeded down the expensively-decorated corridor, housing several painted porcelain pots containing exotic plants, long tapestries hanging on the walls, a dark blue velvet carpet, rows of artistic statues in many ridiculous poses, paintings kept in frames that looked more exquisite than the pictures themselves, daft-looking torches that lighted the way, and a queer steel sculpture that was a gift from the Ravens.

Mai left her just outside the Alpha Quarters, giving Natsuki a wave of encouragement before heading off to her duties – she had a whole Mess Hall full of hungry, lunch-seeking Wolves to feed in an hour. Natsuki faced the entrance to the room; it resembled the library's door in both appearance and materials, but on this one was carved the symbol of Fuka royalty – a curved "K", and each stroke looked like a claw.

She entered the room, bowing before the Alpha – the standard sign of respect. Her mother gave a short nod of acknowledgement, smiling at her in a way that was both loving but stern. Natsuki paled visibly, getting a hint of what subject was to be discussed that day.

"Natsuki, you've turned eighteen last month." Kuga Saeko spoke clearly, confidently. "And what does that mean?"

"Uhm, that I'm a year older?" Natsuki tried sheepishly, intent on pretending to be ignorant until the matter was directly addressed.

"Not only that." The Alpha said, before adding helpfully. "It means that you are to find yourself a mate."

_Crap_, Natsuki grimaced. _She's going to pair me up with that lout who keeps following me around, ruins a lot of my plans, stutters way too much to be sane, and is badly in need of a haircut._

"There is absolutely no chance of that happening." She denied energetically, fists clenching at the prospect of being in any way attached to who her mother had in mind.

"Takeda's a fine boy." Saeko almost wheedled, pulling a face. "And he's the only one you've met that doesn't complain about your mayonnaise addiction occasionally."

"I'm not having that wimp be my mate." Natsuki shook her head vigorously. "Must I really couple?"

"Actually, you don't need to until a few years later, if you were in anything like the situation I was in. My father gave in to my constant pleas." Saeko grinned at the memories.

"Am I in anything like the situation you were in?" Natsuki inquired hopefully.

"No." A glare accompanied the blunt rejection.

"Fine!" Natsuki, who had been expecting that answer anyway, huffed. "But must it be Takeda?"

"Well, yes … unless you can find someone better, of course." Her mother complied.

"Great." Natsuki agreed readily, convinced that it was a better deal. "I'll find someone."

"Ah, the one that Natsuki voluntarily chooses as a mate!" Saeko laughed, giving her daughter a skeptical look. "Whoever it is must be unlike any Raven I've ever known!"

"Of course." Natsuki smirked knowingly, thoughts focused on a certain something underneath her pillow.

Once she was released from that life-threatening episode and back out in the corridors, the cobalt-haired girl practically skipped all the way back to her room. Anyone who saw her marvelous skipping performance would have died from excessive brain damage, but Natsuki was unconcerned. She slipped her hands under her bed, sliding a leather-bound book out from its hiding place.

The Ultimate Handbook to Snake-Rearing for the Unconventional Wolf, by Kruger Natsuki – it was truly her savior!

- - -

**Editor's Commentary:** To clear up any misunderstandings, in reality, this is the author's note. I had this idea for a while, so I stored it in my head and added features to it until it became understandable. I hope you like it; it's going to be my most irritating project so far, in my opinion, to write. Here is a brief description on the world UHSRUW is based on.

A Clan is, obviously, a clan – all of them are based on animals, and generally tend to have similar personality characteristics and skills to their respective animal. Clanspeople are the people in Clans; those that aren't in Clans are called Vagrants, and not in a negative sense. Natsuki belongs to the Wolf Clan, and is the daughter of the King/Queen (Alphas), who rule over the Kingdom (Lands) of Fuka.

Everything else is mostly common sense – I have a peculiar view on what is common sense, though, so don't feel insulted if you don't understand something. Now that I think about it, this story seems a bit like a Romeo and Juliet story gone wrong.

Thanks for reading.


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